Each week, Dr Kirstin Ferguson tackles questions on workplace, career and leadership in her advice column Got a Minute? This week: becoming a colleague’s taxi driver, office small talk and an unexpected run-in with an unhappy client.
A colleague lives in the same suburb as me. He recently sold his car and asked if I would mind driving him to and from work, for a week or two. I agreed. It has now been almost a month, and he told me he is now unable to afford a car. I am over it, as I like to go to the shops or hairdresser after work and I can’t, as I have to drop this guy home. My boss keeps telling me how great it is that I am helping him out, so I feel stuck in a hard place of what to do. I am over it, he talks the whole time too so I cannot unwind after work.
This scenario is my nightmare. The quiet time before and after work where you can have time to yourself to think, listen to music, go to the shops or basically do whatever you want to do is to be treasured. This arrangement has quietly shifted from kindness into obligation, and that’s the problem. You are not being unreasonable to want the arrangement to end.
You agreed to a short-term favour, not an open-ended transport solution. Your colleague is taking advantage of your generosity – they should take responsibility for their own transport. And if your boss is so happy about it, perhaps suggest they take over as this guy’s driver! Team driver is not something you should feel pressured to continue.
The cleanest approach is to be direct but neutral. A simple conversation like: “I’m glad I could help initially, but you will need to make some different plans since I won’t be able to keep helping” is enough. You don’t need to justify hairdresser appointments, errands or your need for quiet time. That time is yours.
I don’t know how to deal with workplace neediness. I am from a reserved culture and like to just go in and work – the chit-chatty Australian workplace is difficult for me to entertain. I am a senior employee (not an executive, but close) and have a huge workload, but my co-workers or employees don’t seem to understand that I don’t have time for small talk. How do I deal with this?
What you have raised is a real challenge for many people. It is not just those with a different cultural background who may find it difficult, but anyone who prefers to keep to themselves at work and focus on the task at hand, rather than spending time during every interaction asking about the weekend or talking about sport.
Australian workplaces tend to use casual conversation as social glue. For many, small talk signals approachability and belonging, but that doesn’t mean you’re obliged to provide it on demand.
Brief, intentional connection goes a long way. If you feel comfortable to do so, try to be open with your colleagues about finding small talk difficult. It will help them understand what is going on for you. Your vulnerability will also go a long way to building relationships with your colleagues in a different, but authentic, way.
Finally, remember that your seniority can amplify this dynamic. People often look to leaders for cues for the way colleagues are expected to interact. You don’t need to become chatty; you just need to be consistent and respectful.
I bumped into a client in the street, and he confidentially shared that he avoids using the service I work for because he finds our receptionist rude and abrupt and doesn’t feel welcome. I encouraged him to share his experiences with my manager, but I’m not sure if he will. Is this something I can and should share, while keeping the client’s identity confidential?
Yes, you absolutely should tell your manager. This isn’t gossip and it’s not disloyalty. It’s material client feedback that goes directly to service quality and reputation. If clients are quietly quitting your company because they feel unwelcome, that’s something management needs to know, even if the message is uncomfortable.
Pass the feedback on without naming the client. Frame it clearly and professionally: explain that you received unsolicited feedback from a client who chose not to raise it formally. Let them know the issue relates to how front-of-house interactions are experienced, and that it may be affecting client retention. Stick to the substance, not speculation or tone. I think your manager will be grateful to know what is going on and ultimately, your clients will be happier too.
To submit a question about work, careers or leadership, visit kirstinferguson.com/ask. You will not be asked to provide your name or any identifying information. Letters may be edited.
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Dr Kirstin Ferguson AM is the author of Blindspotting: How to See What Others Miss and Head & Heart: The Art of Modern Leadership. Kirstin is ranked in the world’s Thinkers50 list and holds a PhD in leadership and culture. www.kirstinferguson.com.Connect via X, Facebook or email.
