Ashima’s (left) parenting experiences have been echoed in a national report examining the mental well-being of Australia’s parents. Photo: Supplied.
Parenting rarely announces its hardest moments. They tend to arrive quietly – in kitchens cluttered with dishes, in sleepless nights, or in the few seconds after a child finally falls asleep and exhaustion catches up.
For Canberra migrant mother Ashima Mehra, those moments often come when the house finally turns silent.
Far from extended family and raising a toddler largely on her own while her husband works long hours and often takes double shifts, the Phillip resident says parenting can feel isolating in ways she never expected.
“Some days I completely break down,” Ashima said.
“You’re carrying everything at once — your child, the house, the routine, and your own emotions. There are days when it feels like there is no one to hand things over to, even for a little while.”
Like many migrants who leave behind family networks, Ashima says parenting in Australia has also meant losing the informal support that once came naturally — grandparents dropping by, relatives and neighbours stepping in without needing to be asked.
But it’s not just a migrant issue. Her experience echoes a broader picture emerging from new national research.
A Parenting Today survey, based on responses from more than 10,000 parents and carers across Australia, found that more than half of parents feel lonely at least occasionally, while nearly half experience moderate psychological distress — persistent stress, exhaustion and emotional strain that can quietly wear parents down.
The findings suggest pressures affecting parents are often less about income or demographics and more about loneliness, emotional strain and a lack of support systems.
These findings may be particularly relevant to Canberra as the city has a highly mobile population, with many families relocating for public service roles, education and work opportunities.
Researchers also found that these struggles do not remain contained within parents themselves. They spill into everyday interactions at home.
Parents reporting higher levels of distress and self-doubt were more likely to say they wanted to be more patient and consistent with their children, but found themselves struggling to do so.
Higher emotional strain was also linked with harsher parenting behaviours such as yelling, arguing and smacking.
For Bruce resident Laura Green, who is raising three children and a stepson, parenting can feel like walking through a maze where every decision is under scrutiny.
There are books, podcasts, experts and social media feeds, all promising the ‘right’ way to raise children. At the same time, parents are constantly being told what not to do.
“I think parents today are terrified of getting it wrong,” Laura said.
“You take away a phone and suddenly you’re damaging their mental health. You become strict and people say you’re controlling. Sometimes I honestly don’t know what the right answer is.”
Laura says that parents today often fear causing emotional harm while trying to maintain discipline.
“I think previous generations just parented and moved on. Now we analyse every decision.”
Lead researcher Dr Catherine Wade said support and connection mattered more than many people realised.
“Forging connections, for example, through peer support groups, does seem to help us reduce that sense of loneliness and build hope and optimism,” she said.
Parenting Research Centre chief executive Rob Ryan said that while governments increasingly invest in children’s well-being, parents themselves often remain missing from broader policy conversations.
Wanniassa resident Adam Townsend, a father of three children aged 7, 5 and 2, sees another layer to the pressures many parents face.
The physiotherapist structures his work around family life, taking shifts that allow his wife to work evenings. He believes many people step into parenthood expecting to preserve the life they had before children — careers, social lives, hobbies and personal freedom — while adding the demands of raising a family on top of it.
“I think we have become a more selfish generation that wants everything…. and should instead shift focus towards enjoying the time with children while they are young, rather than focusing on what we are missing out on,” he said.
Watching his own parents raise four children shaped that view.
“Even today, they are so much more giving. They would cancel their vacations to help my wife and me with our little kids,” he said.
For some parents, the challenge is loneliness. For others, it is information overload or shifting expectations. But beneath those experiences sits a common reality — raising children may be deeply personal, yet many parents are carrying the weight of it quietly and often alone.
If you or someone you know needs help, you can contact:
Parentline ACT – 6287 3833 or Parentline
Lifeline’s 24-hour crisis support line – 13 11 14 Kids Helpline – 1800 551 800 or kidshelpline.com.auMensLine Australia – 1300 789 978 or mensline.org.au.
