Chris Rattue runs through the winners and losers from the first few days of 2024.

Winner: Darts

Gifts don’t come any better than this.

Luke Littler, aged just 16, has made the darts world
championships final in a blaze of publicity that any sport can only dream of.

Littler is a portly character with serious facial hair. He’s not what immediately springs to mind when you think of a 16-year-old.

But 16 he is, and he has been blitzing all-comers in the world champs in London.

He’s far too young to sound remotely interesting though.

“I just wake up, play on my Xbox, have some food and have a chuck on the board, go to bed and that’s it,” he said of a typical day.

Have no fear, the British tabloids are here. They have already stepped up to the task of star-making by promoting stories around Littler’s “glamorous” 21-year-old girlfriend.

Loser: Rugby – where is Scott Robertson?

Here’s a typical problem for a sport that only pays lip service to connecting with fans.

Rugby does understand one thing – almost all of its eggs must go into the test rugby basket.

All forms of rugby below test action have turned into losers in terms of mass appeal. That’s why the All Blacks will play a whopping 14 tests this year, and World Rugby has introduced a new quasi-World Cup from 2026.

Yet in this country, we’ll still start the year with the normal diet of limp Super Rugby coverage while new All Blacks boss Scott Robertson remains parked in the background.

Meanwhile, over in the Blue Corner, the Warriors grabbed a huge slice of the sporting spotlight last year without even trying that hard.

Rugby league has its weaknesses but works because it is small enough to keep things very simple and move with the times.

In contrast, rugby is so quaint that it goes on holiday over the holiday period, as if it can afford to take a break just weeks before the season kicks into gear.

Here’s my best advice for a failing powerhouse: make the All Blacks front and centre of absolutely everything. It’s your only chance of survival.

Loser: Cricket

South Africa named a joke of a test squad to tour New Zealand, omitting a host of stars who play in its domestic T20 competition.

Aussie great Steve Waugh suggested it was the “defining moment in the death of test cricket”.

Waugh is on the mark except that test cricket outside of the Big Three has been in its death throes for ages. That’s why New Zealand hosts test matches in picnic areas.

While Waugh quite reasonably reckoned New Zealand should tell South Africa to take a hike, it’s probably better to have some cricket than none at all.

And New Zealand can hardly complain when it contrives to keep the great Trent Boult out of the test team.

While this South African squad is a joke, the last laugh might be on us.

The last hopeless sports team to visit New Zealand was a weak England netball squad that duly won the first test over the erratic Silver Ferns.

And write South Africa cricket teams off at your peril – their cricketers come from a tough and very competitive environment.

Loser: Cricket statistics/averages

Further to the above … players’ averages will have to be taken with a grain of salt as test cricket descends into a sporting death zone alongside Super Rugby and co.

Winners/Losers? Chris Wood and Nottingham Forest

A wonderful few days on the pitch have been followed by a potential disaster off it for one of the clubs who will battle to avoid relegation from the English Premier League.

Kiwi striker Wood had an incredible match against his old club Newcastle, taking Forest to victory with a hat-trick, a great moment for Kiwi football.

Forest followed that up with a win over once-mighty Manchester United, putting handy distance between them and the bottom-three relegation zone.

But Forest are reportedly in danger of having breached the EPL financial fair play regulations and thus face the threat of having points docked, as happened to Everton this season.

Winner: Liverpool vs Newcastle

A fantastic six-goal second half was a showcase of the EPL at its best. And a rejuvenated Liverpool have confirmed that they are quality challengers to Manchester City, who are facing a much tougher time defending their title than many expected.

City will be buoyed by the sight of the great midfielder Kevin De Bruyne – who has been out with a long-term injury – warming up during the latest match against Sheffield United.

He received a remarkable reception while limbering up, a reminder of the incredible passion that football inspires.

Losers: Wayne Rooney and Birmingham City

A short and disastrous managerial career at Birmingham City has come to an end for the fantastic former England player after just 15 games in charge.

It always seemed a bit of an odd appointment, particularly as EPL-chasing Birmingham were reasonably placed in the football championship at the time.

The club was just as keen on Rooney’s famous name as his abilities. Bad move.

Winner: Vinesh Phogat

The star Indian wrestler has continued to protest against the alleged sexual harassment of female athletes.

Phogat, a courageous voice against sexist attitudes in sport, left two government awards on a kerbside after she was blocked from handing them back to Prime Minister Narendra Modi.

Winners … kind of: Detroit Pistons

The Pistons ended a record-equalling 28-game losing streak with a victory over the underpowered Toronto Raptors. The Pistons duly lost their next game.

Winner: Joseph Parker

A belated congratulations to heavyweight boxer Joseph Parker on his victory over Deontay Wilder.

Parker is back in the news and “back as a major player in the division” as one boxing website put it.

Kiwi boxing had a terrific time in 2023, from Mea Motu and Lani Daniels’ rise to Parker’s surprise win.

Chris Rattue has been a journalist since 1980 and is one of the most respected opinion writers in New Zealand sports journalism.