Her laundry’s a real headache
Q: My brother and his partner wear a cologne that is so strong that we have to wash the bedding and towels they use several times to eliminate the smell. Years ago, I suggested there may be oil in the cologne that makes it so stubborn, but my brother told me there isn’t, stymieing my effort to address the problem. He would be devastated by a firmer approach. But I’ve had it with the smell and the headaches. Any solution? — SISTER
A: There are costs and benefits to virtually any request. I find it hard to believe that your brother would be devastated by a simple statement that you are sensitive to scents and request that he and his partner not wear cologne when they visit you. But you know them better than I do. So it’s your call: headaches and heavy laundering, or a gentle ask. This doesn’t seem that difficult to me.
You’re listening to WHYY-ME
Q: I work from home, and I am also trying to write a book. We live in a dense urban neighbourhood, and our retired neighbour’s house is extremely close to ours. My home office is less than 6 feet from his screened porch, where he listens to talk radio for most of the day at a relatively low volume (that is still audible to me). I keep the windows in my office closed, and I can’t easily work elsewhere in the house: I need a multi-monitor setup. I have tried using noise-cancelling headphones and listening to music, but I’m easily distracted, and I want to work in peace! Can I ask my neighbour to use headphones? — NEIGHBOUR
A: Living in society means learning to coexist with others. I understand your preference not to have a neighbour who listens to the radio, but in the lottery of life, he is the neighbour you have drawn. He is within his rights to sit on his porch and listen to the radio quietly. Explore better noise-cancelling headphones – perhaps ones with speakers that play ambient sounds – or consider moving your office elsewhere in your home. Your desire for absolute quiet does not trump the right of others to live their lives in reasonable ways.
Foul tip? No, it’s a tip foul
Q: I am a big baseball fan and attend 30 games a season at the local baseball stadium. There is a man there who plays a melodica, a sort of hand-held keyboard. I appreciate his talent and enjoy speaking with him, so each time I give him a $5 tip. He seems genuinely happy to see me, too. But I have noticed lately that he doesn’t thank me for my donations. Am I being petty? — GRATITUDE FAN
A: Who am I to say? It’s not unreasonable to want to be thanked, nor to notice the absence of thanks. Small acts of generosity and chatting with regulars at local haunts usually make me feel good. But if that’s no longer the case for you, stop tipping the man. There’s no requirement that you do.
This article originally appeared in The New York Times.
Written by: Philip Galanes
©2026 THE NEW YORK TIMES
