Prince Harry has opened up about the trepidation and fear he felt about becoming a father, calling it “the most important, transformational role a guy can ever move into”.
Harry and his wife Meghan, the Duchess of Sussex, who are currently touring Australia, have two children, Archie, 6, and Lilibet, 4.
“I think the moment that you know [you’re about to become a father], you’re excited, but then you’re also a little bit like, ‘Am I gonna be enough? How does this actually pan out?’” said the Duke of Sussex. “There’s no manual for this”.
Speaking at a Movember event in Melbourne on Wednesday alongside men’s health advocate Dr Zac Seidler, Harry said he struggled to understand what his role as a father would look like following the birth of his son.
“Certainly, I felt a disconnection because my wife was the one creating life. And I was there to witness it and I think for many guys, you try to think about what service can I provide at this point?,” said Harry.
“Because I was warned about it, that helped me massively because I was like, OK, if I can’t help him, then I’m going to help my wife.”
Harry also obliquely referenced his relationship with his own father, King Charles, and how it has informed his own approach to parenting.
“You want to be everything that you’ll assume your kids want you to be and also, at the same time … you’re thinking … do I parent my kid or kids the same way that I was parented? And what can I use that’s been really good from my own experience and what can we improve on?”
In his 2023 memoir Spare, Harry describes Charles as a gentle but emotionally distant workaholic who often showed his affection in unexpected ways.
At the Movember event, which called for more routine mental health screening for new fathers, Harry talked about the importance of therapy and asking for help.
“You want to be the best version of yourself for your kids … I knew that I had stuff from the past that I needed to deal with and therefore prepare myself to basically cleanse myself of the past before these new lives start,” said Harry, who has long been an advocate for mental health.
“For so many years, it’s been seen as a weakness, to stick your hand up and ask for help.
“I actually found it was completely opposite, especially in today’s culture, especially with the shit that I get for speaking up about these things.
“You don’t have to wait until you’re lying on the kitchen floor in the foetal position.
“It doesn’t have to be professional therapy – it can be talking with your mates, it can be talking to a complete stranger – but being able to relieve some of that pressure, that stuff from the past that is stored in there.”
Harry also spoke about the effect of his unprocessed troubles on his son.
“Every single time I went to work, and when I came back, if I was stressed, the moment that I held Archie, he would start crying,” he said.
Harry said he and Meghan were also very conscious of the toll parenting can take on a marriage.
“Another layer … which my wife and I regularly talked about was … conflict between couples. But don’t worry, there was no conflict between us,” he said.
“I think more than anything, it’s about being open and communicative with your partner.”
Still, Harry acknowledged that not every father is as lucky as he is to be so present in their kids’ lives.
“I am fortunate enough to be able to work from home,” he said. “There are some guys that are slightly more old school who go, ‘I need to be up at 5.30am or 6am, I’ll commute, I will come back and I might make it for bath time’.
“It makes me sad to know that that is their experience of fatherhood.”
Harry left Melbourne on Wednesday afternoon to travel alone to Canberra to visit the Australian War Memorial. He will return to Melbourne to continue to talk about mental health when he presents a keynote speech at the InterEdge Psychosocial Safety Summit on Thursday.
Harry and Meghan will conclude their trip in Sydney.
With Annika Smethurst
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