Ahead of Mother’s Day, how can you check that you are a real, ridgy-didge, typical young mother – the sort that deserves a present first thing tomorrow?
A quick quiz might help.
1: I spend the majority of my disposable income on:
a) day trips
b) day spas
c) day care
2: Sometimes I daydream about sleeping:
a) with Ryan Gosling
b) with Jacob Elordi
c) for more than two consecutive hours
3: I believe the ABC program 7.30 is:
a) biased towards Labor
b) biased towards the Coalition
c) on too late
4: Thinking about the last time my partner and I made love leaves me thinking about:
a) how good-looking he/she is
b) how considerate he/she is
c) all the other things that happened during COVID
5: Whenever I have a spare minute, I love to express:
a) my political views
b) my creative side
c) milk
6: My first child was born:
a) late
b) early
c) to rule
7: The distinctive symbol on my lapel is:
a) an Order of Australia
b) a badge signifying that I’ve been granted a PhD in bioengineering by the University of Sydney
c) mashed banana
8: I’m working hard to develop a routine:
a) for the Sydney Comedy Festival
b) for the Edinburgh Fringe
c) at bedtime
9: Only yesterday I had an in-depth conversation with:
a) the prime minister
b) the Pope
c) a soft toy called Mr Puggsly-Wuggsly
10: The book I’ve found most helpful in describing bedtime is:
a) Dr Spock’s Baby and Childcare
b) Robin Barker’s Baby Love
c) The Battle of Midway
11: I often awake to find I’m sharing my bed with:
a) the dog
b) my partner
c) a large plastic T-Rex with built-in sound effects
12: The longest book I’ve read recently was:
a) Proust’s Remembrance of Things Past (3700 pages)
b) Tolstoy’s War and Peace (1400 pages)
c) The Day Santa Farted (6 pages)
13: The meals I prepare often end up:
a) being discussed on MasterChef
b) featured in the pages of The Sydney Morning Herald
c) all over the floor
14: When fellow mothers criticise the practice of relying on the dummy, I:
a) cheer them on
b) politely disagree
c) assume they are talking about their husbands
15: Having a child has given me the chance to pick up:
a) a new set of skills
b) a fresh attitude to life
c) 523 pieces of Lego, most days
16: When I leave the house, I must remember to take:
a) my keys
b) my driver’s licence
c) wet-wipes, tissues, nappies, spare pants, spare top, pram, carrying sling, change mat, water bottle, juice bottle, milk bottle, two soft toys, a box of toy cars for the older child, milk, snack, alternative snack in case first snack is rejected, suncream, and headache pills (for self). Plus, my keys and driver’s licence
17: I know the words to every song by:
a) Missy Elliott
b) Missy Higgins
c) Ms Rachel
18: As a young mother, I find I can only relax when under:
a) a palm tree
b) a starry night
c) general anaesthetic
19: Looking at my living room, it always looks exactly like a photo shoot for:
a) Vogue
b) Home Beautiful
c) The Australian Pig Breeders’ Gazette
20: Parenting my children involves a daily search for:
a) meaning
b) faith
c) sunhats
21: My working hours end at:
a) 5pm
b) 6.30pm
c) in 32 years when the youngest leaves home
Happy Mother’s Day. If you answered mostly Cs, you deserve a badly made pot and a hand-drawn card. I hope it arrives tomorrow.
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