Matt Berninger is best known for being the lead singer of The National, as well as working with some of music’s biggest names, including Taylor Swift. Here, the 55-year-old discusses some of the important women in his life, including his wife, Carin Besser.
My maternal grandmother, Emily Dwyer, had a dirty sense of humour and loved a glass of rosé well into her late 80s. She was one of five children raised in a Catholic family, and had four children of her own.
My paternal grandmother, Clara Rathman, listened to the Cincinnati Reds games on the radio. Whenever I hear the sound of a baseball game, I think of her. She yelled at the players, but never used any foul language.
My mom, Nancy, is an artist who loved to paint florals and abstract art, and worked as a substitute teacher. She met my dad in high school when she lived across the street from him; they were each other’s first real loves and are still together.
My sister, Rachel, is a year-and-a-half older than me and my brother Tom is nine years younger. Tom was almost like a toy for Rachel. She was also protective of me, and I was protective of her. A guy at a party grabbed her butt once and I lost it. I’m not a violent person, but I stood up for her. She lives in Seattle, and is an adventurer who likes mountain hikes. The National used to sleep at her house when we went on tour.
I was a late bloomer when it came to girls and had my first kiss at college with a girl I met in a chemistry class while I was doing pre-med. We are still friends.
Taylor [Swift] is a young and brilliant songwriter, and she gets spoken about as if she’s removed from that.
My first girlfriend, Caroline, and I met at a toga party on the second weekend of college at Miami University, Ohio. I broke up with her for another girl and regretted it. Caroline ended up marrying her high school boyfriend who she dated after me. After that, I transferred to the University of Cincinnati, where I met my bandmate, Scott.
I studied design for five years and had several relationships in this time, but nothing significant until I met my wife, Carin Besser in 2005. Carin caught my attention at a dive bar in Brooklyn. She was with a friend in deep conversation.
There was a jukebox nearby, so I made my way over acting like I was looking at the jukebox, and offered to buy them a drink. Carin looked at me and said, “We’re in the middle of talking right now.” I went back 45 minutes later and asked again. I got her number and she noticed I took it down wrong – it was missing a number.
Carin and I wanted to start a family. She was briefly married before we met. We married in 2007 and have a 17-year-old daughter.
I met Patti Smith through Michael Stipe when The National opened for R.E.M. Patti has a passion for art and knows what it is like to do what I do. I was drawn to Patti’s ferocity of courage which comes through her writing about the nuances of the complicated human soul.
Taylor Swift and I have also worked together. She always asks about how Carin and I write together. She wants to know how to write genuinely about your personal life. We bonded over that. Taylor is a young and brilliant songwriter, and she gets spoken about as if she’s removed from that. Yes, she moves global markets, that’s not her fault. Sometimes people expect too much from her. When I see her, I always ask, “How are you holding all that shit together?” She’s very impressive.
I got to know musician Rosanne Cash during the pandemic; a mutual friend introduced us. We spoke on the phone a few times, and didn’t get to see each other for several years. I went through a really long year of writer’s block and had no creative inspiration left. I had to put down a lot of projects, including working with her. She was gracious about it.
Rosanne reminds me of my mom a lot, she’s more like an older sister. She has become a dear friend because she also spoke of dealing with a father [Johnny Cash] who struggled with depression. She knows what a fragile pursuit it is to try to be an artist and how dangerous it can be.
Matt Berninger is currently on tour throughout Australia.
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Jane Rocca is a regular contributor to Sunday Life Magazine, Executive Style, The Age EG, columnist and features writer at Domain Review, Domain Living’s Personal Space page. She is a published author of four books.Connect via X or email.
