Typo’s sexualised Christmas ornaments prompt parent to question children’s exposure

The Christmas aisle is under attack.

For years I believed the biggest risk in the Christmas section was my son’s inability to resist touching the most fragile ornaments or checking if that glass figurine is bendable. It was not. That tentacle-deficient jellyfish still hangs on my tree in shame each Christmas.

That was until Typo, the stationery store favoured by tweens and teens, rolled in a Trojan horse in the form of sexualised Christmas decorations.

We’re talking a Santa fondling his golden balls and what looks like a rabbit sex toy, wrapped and much too ready.

There’s also a hedgehog licking the tip of a banana, which one can only assume (because they have eyes) is meant to be a penis. What did poor Mrs Tiggy-Winkle do to bear the brunt of this poorly executed innuendo?

Some might argue the store’s target market isn’t children, but its recent collabs with Toy Story, Miffy and Disney suggest it is trying to attract kids through the door.

And you need only look at the faces of these ornaments to see who would be enticed to pick them up and want to buy them. The rosy cheeks on the snowman with the erect appendage sit side by side with dinosaur-themed ornaments, a puppy peeking out of a present and a stripping Santa mid-coat removal.

“Look, Mummy, it’s the man from the playground,” I hear a tiny voice exclaim as I race out of the store, stopping only to remove the ornament declaring him a “Prosec-ho” from his hands.

My question is why on earth Typo decided that, on top of asking me if I’d like a $5 charity tote bag or a $2 charity water, they’d also become the authority on sexing up Christmas.

Even Gwyneth and her Goop Guide are shaking their heads at this one.

One can assume someone was trying to be clever, push the envelope and do something wacky to brush off that “good girl” image. But unlike infamous good-girl-turned-bad Miley Cyrus and her wrecking ball, they just wrecked and gave Santa balls.

In a statement to the Herald, the brand said, “Our products are designed with our target customer in mind, however we’re conscious that people of all ages may visit our stores, and we have guidelines in place for how our cheekier products are presented in store.”

The brand did not respond with details on what those guidelines are.

Before you rush to call me prudish in the comments, let me point out I’m a modern, open-minded parent.

We use the correct terminology for our body parts and have open conversations about consent; my son’s been known to hum “my body, my choice,” while sorting his Pokemon cards.

Manners are still essential, but we issue a monthly swearword allowance which can only be cashed in if used correctly and never aimed at another person.

But these ornaments rubbed me in a way that felt more wrong than the way that Santa ornament rubbed his golden balls.

If vapes, cigarettes, sex toys and porn can’t be in the eyeline of kids, why does Frosty the Snowman’s ice cream cone penis get a free pass?

When did the festive season stop being sacred and pure for our kids? And can we collectively agree not to chuck an appendage on something that may end up in their hands?

What’s next? Vibrating rabbits in our kids’ Easter baskets rather than chocolate ones?

Before one of these accidentally ends up in your child’s hands, or worse, you have to let Nana know that the wrapped ornament she has on her tree is actually a vibrator.

Typo, I ask you to retreat.

Stick to the pencil cases, pom-pom-topped pens and laptop sleeves that make a perfectly inoffensive Secret Santa gift. But please, keep Santa’s bedroom secrets out of Christmas.

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