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Celebrity Treasure Island winner Nix Adams was so frightened of returning to her old life after getting clean from methamphetamine that she didn’t want to leave prison.
Speaking to Paula Bennett on the latest episode of the Ask Me Anything podcast, the content creator and television
presenter opens up about the loss of her 16-month-old son Alaska and the methamphetamine addiction and prison stint that followed.
“What I was addicted to was no noise, peace in my mind. It wasn’t just peace from my son’s passing, it was peace from the many years of feeling worthless. Of feeling like I’m just not lovable.”
Adams has released a memoir titled Nothing to Lose, which details the five years she spent using drugs to escape the grief and feelings of worthlessness she’d felt since childhood.
The month she spent in prison in Western Australia “saved my life”, she says.
While incarcerated, Adams attended Narcotics Anonymous meetings, took classes, exercised and collected recipes she hoped to make for her children.
“Soon I found that I had routine and structure … And then I didn’t wanna get out of jail.”
Adams says the idea of being surrounded by temptation in her regular life scared her and credits a supportive judge with helping her maintain sobriety after her release.
“If that judge hadn’t have helped me out with that gym membership, with the transport card, with that job in the Second Chance Cafe, I don’t know if I would’ve been able to do it.”
Adams says making social media videos after her release from prison gave her something to focus on while staying sober.
“I realised, man, I’m thinking so much about what I can do next that I’m not even thinking about all those temptations that I’m surrounded by.”
She says she hoped her videos might reach her children back in New Zealand after they became estranged during her addiction.
When their grandmother contacted her to say the family had been watching, Adams thought: “Oh my God, it worked.”
Since her release Adams has rebuilt her relationship with her children, established a successful career, won Celebrity Treasure Island and settled into life on an 11ha farm in Northland with her blended family.
She says the challenges of raising teenagers are a reminder of how far she’s come.
“Even on my hard days when I’m arguing with the 15-year-old daughter or something like that, I think to myself, ‘You worked so hard to get here’.”
Listen to the full episode for more from Nix Adams on:
- A confronting conversation with her mother
- How social media helped her reconnect with her children
- The most important lessons she’s teaching her teenage daughter.
Ask Me Anything is an NZ Herald podcast hosted by former Deputy Prime Minister Paula Bennett. New episodes are available every second Sunday.
You can follow the podcast at iHeartRadio, Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts.
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